why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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