At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
