It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize