Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
