Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
