I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
