WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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