My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
