Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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