Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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