What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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