wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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