It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
