I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
