I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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