so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could fuck to npr.
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