I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
