i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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