Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
