reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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