he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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