Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
