I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
