WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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