I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
