What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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