I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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