my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
