i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
