Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
