$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i think i just lost a toe
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
