Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
