I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
