video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
