Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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