i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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