If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
