I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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