I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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