what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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