I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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