i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
