I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
