Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
