It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
