the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
