You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
