he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
