I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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