it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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