I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
