Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
