First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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