she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
