i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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