did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
