last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
