For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
