About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
