no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
