woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
