It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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