I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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