I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
