i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
